In one succinct phrase, L. Frank Baum perfectly describes the feeling of suddenly finding yourself physically and emotionally lost.

Dealing with intrusive thoughts and painful triggers is critical in surviving infidelity.

The following is a true story and encounter I had with "Carol and Tim." As you might have guessed, I've changed their names to maintain anonymity. I hope that sharing both their conversation and their struggle will help provide clarity for you and your own situation, but please also keep in mind that every case has a vast array of unique nuances that must be considered.

Emotional affairs are devastating. The collateral damage from sharing your heart and life with another person outside the marriage devastates the betrayed spouse and upends all of life for the couple and family.

To fully comprehend infidelity, we must acknowledge and understand many different influential components, not the least of which is secrecy. Secrecy plays a huge role in the wayward spouse's absence of guilt when violating commitments or morals.

To begin, let me stress that these suggestions are for couples who have moved beyond discovery and are trying to determine how to live with what has happened. It is not for those still trying to find the truth. Once you have the whole story, you know what you're choosing to forgive.

Why men cheat and why women cheat may be the most common question we hear. After all, how do you reconcile the unfaithful spouse's behavior when it seems so contradictory to their past? How do you wrap your mind around such foreign, out-of-the-blue behavior?

In infidelity recovery, how do you handle fear? For the betrayed mate, being deceived or hurt again can be crippling fears. For the wayward mate, these fears are much the same. They fear causing their mate more pain, but they also fear sabotaging their personal recovery. The pain of betrayal is heart-wrenching, so it's understandable to fear re-experiencing this pain.

Disclaimer: This may be a difficult article for some of you to read. Before reading, take a moment to consider how far along you are in recovery. Those who are newer to recovery will not be able to process the information in this article from an objective perspective. The information is important to understand, but the last thing we want to do is to cause unnecessary pain. Our suggestion is to wait until you are further along in recovery so you will be able to truly absorb all the article says without reacting. For those of you in this position, I suggest reading the 6-part "How Could You?" Series.

When discussing the future of the marriage, the concept of recommitting eventually takes center stage. I'm reminded of a folk tale about a chicken and a pig trying to decide what each should bring to a big party they're throwing. The chicken says he'd be happy to bring some eggs for the party and he suggests the pig bring some bacon.

Couples therapy after infidelity, Betrayal trauma counseling, Infidelity recovery counseling, Marriage counseling for betrayal, Couples therapist for trust issues, Healing from affairs therapy, Relationship recovery after cheating, Infidelity trauma therapy, Restoring trust in a relationship, Couples counseling post-affair, Emotional affair therapy

Couples therapy after infidelity, Betrayal trauma counseling, Infidelity recovery counseling, Marriage counseling for betrayal, Couples therapist for trust issues, Healing from affairs therapy, Relationship recovery after cheating, Infidelity trauma therapy, Restoring trust in a relationship, Couples counseling post-affair, Emotional affair therapy

Reading the material below will prove extremely beneficial for the unfaithful spouse in terms of gaining a better understanding of the betrayed's road ahead. While it's not an easy journey, it is a possible one, and with the right help, we can minimize unnecessary collateral damage for all parties involved.

Recovering from an affair isn't just a matter of how badly someone wants to heal, it's also a matter of time and dedicated, intentional work. I can't tell you how many times I get asked, "How long is this going to take?" My answer is always, "It depends." One thing is for sure: Recovering from an affair will take longer than both of you expected, and it's not necessarily based on how much you want to recover.