Love is a funny thing.

"We get what we need by walking through what we never wanted." -Ann Voskamp

When it comes to the services offered by many general marriage and family therapists, there seems to be little positive momentum gained. I think people genuinely mean well, but there’s little to no training offered by graduate schools on the topic of infidelity. Many profess to be experts in treating infidelity when they’ve really only treated a few cases.

What is limerence? Limerence is both an emotional and a mental state of intense, obsessive, romantic fascination.

After a betrayal, forgiveness is necessary for your own healing. It’s not an easy process, though, and it comes with its own set of challenges. The key challenge when forgiving infidelity is the ongoing consequences of the betrayal.

"Do I even matter to him?" Sarah asked as she told me how she had allowed Chuck to move home last month, and even though he said he loved her, he still seemed to be pining for his affair partner. Sarah was torn wondering why she even let her husband come home if his heart was still with the other gal.

The discovery of infidelity not only severely disrupts your life but is also a violation, unlike any other event. Most experts who deal with infidelity say that the betrayed spouse deals with anywhere from 50 to 100 different reminders and triggers about their spouse's infidelity daily.

After over 20 years of helping couples and individuals professionally, I have discovered that crises affect us far more than we are aware of. The impact of a crisis, whatever it may be, must be dealt with if we ever want to find healing and hope for a better future.

Disclaimer: Before I even start this article let me stress that there's no way I could ever write something that will be able to fully answer why your mate chose their affair partner (AP). Why someone becomes involved in an extramarital relationship can't be explained in a few paragraphs. While reading, please don't assume you know your mate's motivations. I promise you'll always get part of it wrong as it's impossible to pinpoint another person's motives. I do hope, however, to give some general reasons why your mate may have chosen that particular person.

I once heard it said, "Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener." As a professional, I've always believed people to be profoundly naïve about marriage. However, that naïveté may be even more pronounced when it comes to life after divorce.

Recently, I was talking with a client about the concept of powerlessness. Something I find to be an excellent antidote to powerlessness and a crucial part of healing after an affair is acceptance:

I have discovered that almost every crisis has stinging parallels. How we respond has little to do with the type of crisis but, rather, with the particular impact of the crisis that we have to deal with and process.

Are you having difficulty approaching or motivating your mate? After infidelity, it's not unusual for couples to struggle with this. In fact, I'm frequently asked these questions…

The Discovery of your spouse's affair or sexual addiction usually triggers a tidal wave of intense emotions. After the initial shock and confusion, most betrayed spouses struggle for quite some time to regain control over the turbulent emotions brought on by intrusive thoughts and reminders.

Relapse is a common part of infidelity recovery. But just because it’s common doesn’t mean couples have to sit back and accept relapse, and all of its pain and difficulty, as an inevitability.

Several times a month, I get asked about the use of a polygraph to aid in reestablishing trust in the relationship. So, today, I'll share some thoughts about the use and misuse of taking a polygraph test.

One of the most frustrating issues when recovering from betrayal trauma is the ongoing emotional flooding resulting from loss, deception, reminders, and intrusive thoughts. Long after a couple commits to work on the marriage, a fire-breathing trauma dragon will raise its head and scorch the progress a couple makes.

What makes a good marriage?

What makes a good marriage?

Years ago, John entered my office requesting help for his dilemma… ”women are always going on to me,” he began, “my wife is really upset about it. What can I do?”